Friends...

hiiiiii

last blog was on trust. this blog is on one relation where u will come to know true importance of trust. the relation in ur life which doesnt come with u as free package when u r born. its a relation which u have to EARN. its Friendship. its one of the relations which dont come naturally (read 'by birth'). its true that u cant live without ur family i.e. those who have blood relation with u, but its equally true that u cant leave without these earned relations. its coz in outer world, these relations help u to survive. i said outer world, which means world which exists outside the periphery of ur secured world of family. every kid has two worlds- secured world, inside own house with family and an outer world where almost all people whom he meets, are unknown.

man is social animal. philosophically speaking every human being is brother or sister of other human being. because we all share same gene structure. literally speaking is this practical? u even tend to forget ur second or third cousin, then how the hell are u supposed to remember ur distant(read 1000th or so. i m being generous in this, the figure may even go upto a lac or so...) cousin? in this case, what we can do is just forget that we had any relation with that person. this puts an end to blood relation. this is limitation for blood relation. this is where exactly other relations start.

coming back to point, what do i exactly mean by earning a relation? as i said earlier, u have limited no of blood relations. and there are almost unlimited number of people u meet everyday. it is impossible to remember everyone unless u have some god's gift like a photographic memory or something like that. hence, u need to choose some of them to be the people who may have relation with u, e.g. to be ur friend. but its not only one way. every relation shud have a two way connection. so, even if u choose a person to be ur friend if that person doesnt think about u as a friend, then its of no use. in this case, u can regard friendship as love. its never one way, it has to be two way. u have to do a li'l work , put in efforts to earn the trust of other person. work doesnt end here, u may say it just starts here... hello, who will take responsibility of this trust once u earned it?

this was about start of friendship. now the course. during the course, u tend to put them under different categories like only friend, good friend, best friend. when u have just become friends with each other, when u just know each other thats the phase when u r only friends. then after u have known each other for some period, u put them under 'good friend' category. after this category comes the gr8, best part of friendship called 'best friend'. and it is like a pyramid, as u go higher in category, the number reduces. it's necessary to be like that so that the pyramid stands up. last category is the rarest category in friends. u find many friends, very less good friends and very very less best friends. the reason why i am saying best friends should be very less, is that if u have too many best friends then what will be the value of a best friend..?

there was a mail stating how the friends are. its was something like, friend is like everyone in one package. by everyone, i mean brother, father(or sister, mother) and not to forget a companion. in that mail, it was stated something like friend will irritate u like brother, will take care of u like father and all... dont remember it word to word. i just remember what all important things in it are. it shows how much important friends are even though u have other important persons in life. like family, ur life partner, ur kids (in future)... ur family and all relatives form a pair of pillars for ur support, while friends form other two.

i have stated three types of friends earlier. out of those, only friends dont matter much when it comes to supporting u. they may help u out in some situations, but supporting is different than helping. good friends and best friends do that. they sometimes even find it difficult to help u out, but just their presence makes u feel that u r not alone. thats what supporting means. the feeling that u have someone to support gives u courage to handle difficult situations. this is where u know the importance of friends.

good friends and best friends both give u support. then why there are two categories? good friends are the friends who support u, u can just look at them as a definite pillar where u can rest ur head and forget all worries. but they are not best friends, as the support u get from a best friend is customised. u may have many good friends, u have same relation with all of them. u support all of them equally. i mean to say, given a situation, u will help ur two good friends in same manner. but when it comes to best friends, the case is totally different.

what exactly is best friend like? best friends are like a pair which is inseparable. by any means. when u attain the status of best friend, its like the person who is calling u best friend knows u all, in and out. he knows what will u do in a situation, what u will be doing at a particular time, what are ur likings and dislikings, how u will do a particular thing in a peculiar way etc. that person will know u so much, that u ll feel like he knows u from ages, even though he wud be knowing u for few years or even in some cases for few months. as u know ur best friend completely, the support and help u ll give to ur best friend will be completely according to what u think suits that person perfectly. this part is different from good friends and even different for each best friend.

u know what the best part of a best friend is? u cant describe that person in words. u know so much about that person that u wudnt find any words to describe.
today morning i had a conversation with my best friend, then with his fiancee. what happened was i was just pulling his leg by saying that, as he has got her, he doesn't reply to my messages. she said that he doesnt even reply to her. this was all part of pulling his leg. but he got serious, said he didnt get my messages and started scolding his fiancee saying, 'dont create misunderstanding b/w me and my friend'. i just said to him, 'dont worry, i know u. such small things can't change my opinion about u. even if i hear anything which may create misunderstanding b/w u n me, i ll come to directly to u to clarify things. i know u wudnt lie to me, coz i trust u, thats why i ll directly come to u and ask. thats IF by any chance i take such things talked about u seriously!'
thats how best friends are. u dont have to say things to each other, u just know those things.

Trust

hello once again

day before yesterday, i was watching a hindi movie -Dhoom2. there is a scene in that movie. in that, aishwarya and hritik are on a cliff. hritik tells aishwarya that he trusts her and whether she trusts him or not. she says yes.(phas gayi...) at that moment only hritik tells her jump from cliff. she first hesitates but she has agreed that she trusts him, she jumps finally. hritik catches her heroically and all the scene ends like the usual hindi movie scene...

the impact the scene had on me was, i started thinking on one of the human values called 'trust'. this value is very sweet, tender but extremely dangerous. it can be related to a two-edged sword. if used properly, it will be the best weapon. but if misused it will fire back to u. coming back to the main topic, trust is also same. if u know whom to trust, it will be like ur best investment. if u trust someone who is not worthy, u will feel the pinch. and when someone's trust breaks; it is next to impossible to win it back.

if it is dangerous, next question comes, is it that important to trust someone? my personal opinion is -yes. if u dont trust anyone, u ll become a human being who is self-contained. and science tells that humans are social beings. there are some expection though. when u trust someone, its like giving them importance, making them feel that they are wanted. this only feeling of being wanted by someone, makes someone feel good. on the other hand, when someone trusts u, u feel the responsibility, u feel the importance which other person is willing to give u.

what exactly is trust... its kinda tough to ellaborate. i m not saying that i can. i m just trying to understand myself what exactly is trust. what are ur feeling when u trust someone? when u r with that person what do u feel? its like u know, that particular person will do something in some peculiar way. trust comes in when fear about the person goes away. fear of how the other person's reaction will be when u say something, or when u do something. that happens when u know a person, or at least u think so. when u r with a person whom u trust, u feel secured. i can give u classic example. why does every kid feel most secured when it is with its mother? its because the kid trusts its mother the most.

how does it feel when someone trusts u? its like u feel u have to do the thing, for which other person trusts u, the same way in which that person wants u to do. trusting someone is like giving that person authority to make or break the relation. now its upto other person whether to accept this responsibility or not. that person may feel it as good thing in building a good relation, or he may feel it like a burden. first case -u have trusted right person. second case -oops! sorry, game over.

sometimes, u get to know that a person trusts u, from some other source. that time, if u have done something unknowingly also, u may feel that u have done a mistake. to share u my personal experience, once my friend said that if his mother calls me i shud tell that he is with me. he had told at home that he is coming to my place for study. i said ok and waited for his mothers call. she didnt call. this happened two or three times. then i said to my friend, "yaar ur mother trusts u so much that she doesnt even verify. then why u always tell me to tell her WHEN SHE CALLS?" he said casually, "my mother doesnt trust me, she trusts u. thats why ur name is only enough for her to be sure that i m with u." that time, even i havnt done anything directly to break her trust, still i felt something. i felt like i m breaking her trust, though indirectly. it hurt then, u know...

how will u feel when someone breaks ur trust? it will be like someone has shattered u, broke u apart. u wont be able to trust anyone for a while. until u get someone who trusts u so much, that makes u trust him. its like this only. as mentioned above it is next to impossible to build it again.

........ it feels as if i m out of words. or u can say that i m out of ideas to write more. its good if i give it fullstop here only. now if u have so much patience to read this upto here then u must be able to read ahead. u know, like reading between the lines. so, have a good reading, c ya in next blog.